Masks

I have been called for some work and my reaction was to immediately start pondering where are we trying to take our relationships

Well  i acknowledge that on a daily basis. I do things and work for people solely to maintain a working relationship with them and in the hope that they might someday be useful to me. On deep analysis, i feel how plastic all my relationships with the world is, genuine happiness lost in pretentious smiles, genuine pain lost in hopeless despair.
I want to cry sometime. I want to be able to cry. I want me to feel it is okay to cry. I want myself to feel and be okay with the idea.
I want to be able to shout in the face of people, no i don't need you to make me feel worthful. I don't need others to fake a plastic security that these people will stand by me. They most probably won't

Coming back to my senses i realise i am already late for work i will go and do to maintain  the pretentious relationship, to feel a fake sense of security, because you know it might be hard to accept, but i am afraid, not the beast uncaring asshole i normally pretend to be around people, but a over sentimental shit, pretending to not care to attract attention. I must get going