Am I a Robot?
Today after so long i was in college. How amazing it is, to feel the thrill of deadlines, to race against time finishing the practical file work just before class. Those echos in my mind, the voices wanting me to set myself free from this rat-race of the world, we all running without any sense of where is this all leading us, what are we racing for and to what end blah blah. I am sure you can relate, you might have felt this strange inspiration after watching a good movie too. Somehow for me, this motivation motivates me to do anything but some productive work. I go from watching the movie over and over again to fantasizing me being the hero. These movies are supposed to be perspective changing, but my mind is always doubtful if this really is supposed to happen in real life, in life of a person like me!
Today the robotic tasks felt meditative. My mind had no choices to make, no 100 things to think, no 100 ways to tread. Just somehow finish the task in hand. I heard voices, people dying, the laughter that followed when someone cunningly blew away someone else in mini-militia. I could feel the fun they felt, yet somehow concentrate on my work. No one to be responsible to, no one to answer to, no fake smiles to pass, no fake "Hi kaisa hai".
Altho the huge burdened negativity that most of us hold towards anything related to study, I loved the moment. For a moment i thought, i was meant to be a mediocre, to have a mediocre life, to be a robot, i mean how does it matter if you enjoy it. Then i was reminded of my childhood, what a rebel i was and i suddenly realised if this was something meditative, it had to be something else. I was never the one who behaved, rules for me literally meant something which are to be broken
Today after so long i was in college. How amazing it is, to feel the thrill of deadlines, to race against time finishing the practical file work just before class. Those echos in my mind, the voices wanting me to set myself free from this rat-race of the world, we all running without any sense of where is this all leading us, what are we racing for and to what end blah blah. I am sure you can relate, you might have felt this strange inspiration after watching a good movie too. Somehow for me, this motivation motivates me to do anything but some productive work. I go from watching the movie over and over again to fantasizing me being the hero. These movies are supposed to be perspective changing, but my mind is always doubtful if this really is supposed to happen in real life, in life of a person like me!
Today the robotic tasks felt meditative. My mind had no choices to make, no 100 things to think, no 100 ways to tread. Just somehow finish the task in hand. I heard voices, people dying, the laughter that followed when someone cunningly blew away someone else in mini-militia. I could feel the fun they felt, yet somehow concentrate on my work. No one to be responsible to, no one to answer to, no fake smiles to pass, no fake "Hi kaisa hai".
Altho the huge burdened negativity that most of us hold towards anything related to study, I loved the moment. For a moment i thought, i was meant to be a mediocre, to have a mediocre life, to be a robot, i mean how does it matter if you enjoy it. Then i was reminded of my childhood, what a rebel i was and i suddenly realised if this was something meditative, it had to be something else. I was never the one who behaved, rules for me literally meant something which are to be broken
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